I wish there was a more delicate way to put it.
But there isn’t.
If you’re going to go crazy on that slot machine, or uncontrollably squirm those fingers of yours in the hopes of getting a hand, that will show the dealer who’s the boss; then there are chances, sooner or later, that you and your significant other will suffer from an irreparable degradation in relations.
The trust will slowly fade. Unfortunately, when this sun sets, it may not come back up.
There’s nothing novel in what I just said. The families of problem gamblers breaking down is not an uncommon phenomenon. In most cases it leads to a divorce, with the man of the house trying to – or completely ignoring – tackle his demons in majority of the cases.
People who tend to fall in this trap lose grip on reality. In fact, the true value of money also diminishes for problem gamblers.
So, a female Redditor posted a disastrous, but seemingly accurate depiction of how her husband basically gambles away their earnings. Every single month. And she has to bear the burden of paying the bills and holding the fort steady. Because without that, the kids would not have a stable family environment. No kid deserves the misery, especially if their parents can help it.
Thankfully, they don’t have any. But, she’s an immigrant to the United States.
With President Trump’s strict anti-immigration policies; even people with legal papers are living in a constant fear of being deported. “Well, mam, you have an unpaid parking ticket from 5 years ago. This makes you an American enemy, hence you will be sent back to Mexico.”
The BS is not easy to handle, even if you’re on the right side of the law.
So, I can see why this woman is unable to confront her husband to try to dissuade him from ruining his life – and in turn smash her financial well-being too.
He’s already maxed out two credit cards. Never pays his phone bill or the car payment (which is $750 a month). In the end, she has to pay for his luxuries, as well as the $850 rent and $320 insurance for their home.
This is on top of her own problems with credit. Her own cards are nearing their limits. But, she realizes the imbroglio she’s in, and plans to at least cut her own expenses down, pay her cards off and then cancel them to get back on track.
Same can’t be said for her husband. But, she’s simply too afraid to face him for the fear of him reporting her to ICE or other agencies.
She didn’t exactly share, how she got her US residency, or what level of dependence she has on her husband with regards to her legal status in the country. But, whatever it is, it’s sad.
The replies given to her in that thread ranged from being supportive to outright obnoxious. A few even made fun of her situation. Some even suggested her husband was on the correct path:
You need to understand something. Your husband is a 16 leg underdog parlay from generational wealth. Stick with him. Help him out.
He’s one win away from a jackpot. Keep that in mind!
I guess the trolls can’t be stopped.
Either way, most responses were sane and lead to the same conclusion: “Your husband will not change his ways. You can try therapy or call 1-800-GAMBLER.”
I wish I was wrong, but most of these actions fail to produce any long-term result, unless the person intends to change first. And it works only 2 out of 10 times.
Problem gamblers aren’t concerned with the existential threat to themselves, as long as they can hear the buzz of those spins.
Until the self-realization kicks in, such indulgences are fruitless. Nevertheless, she was advised to move ahead and face him head-on. If it produces a “you go your way, and I will mine,” then, so be it.
And the sooner she stops chasing perfection, and starts accepting the reality, the sooner she can restart and perhaps, rebuild her life.
The divorce rate for problematic gamblers is 39.5%
And it’s only 18% for the general population. The stats come from a study made by the National Gambling Impact. Hello Divorce wrote a nice piece on gambling addiction and divorce, if you want to read it.
The tragic part is that the percentage goes even higher for people who are serious gambling addicts; stands at 53.5%.
Problem gamblers are known to fracture the delicate certitude developed between their girlfriends and wives. Men suffering from prolonged impacts of ungovernable gambling habits will break the string of trust, getting into a repeated, remorseless, proclivity of lying to get out questioning; incurring unmanageable credit card debt; drying up their savings; and in profound number of instances, building up hopelessness and negativity on life, that eventually turns them into mental patients.
So what happens? The husband ends up using all the family funds in the bank, lies to the wife about it (if she ever finds out), says stuff, like “Honey I have invested it in an opportunity that would yield great returns.”
Then comes the wife beating. If you can’t get your way, you’ll start breaking things around the house, harass your wife and kids. Normally, you would get away with it, but if she reports you, you’ll end up spending a night in jail, possibly ending it all in a divorce.
And with all divorces, comes the settlement part. This is where the wife gets the house, a monthly alimony check. This is, provided, there’s any money still left in the bank and not blown away on slot machines.
There isn’t a way to fix these horrible outcomes. But there are measures one can take, to protect oneself for the long run.
To cut the story short, this is what I suggest:
- Remove the person who’s is suffering from gambling addiction from any joint bank accounts you may have together. You could also simply stop contributing to it. The best option would be to remove yourself, so that any overdraft liability does impede your credit score.
- Cancel the credit card of the problem gambler. Of course you’ll need his permission to do so.
- Consider changing the passwords of your banking login, so that this person can’t make unauthorized transfers. At this stage you have to pretty much look at him like an online scammer or a hacker.
- You can even report him or her to the credit agencies, so that he or she can’t get new cards. This is extreme, but needed. In many cases, it would be a mutual decision.
- Never pay back the bad debts of a problem gambler. You’ll only make the whole situation worse. Don’t ever encourage bad behavior.
Unfortunately, even with so many resources and help available, from the government’s side; chances of degenerates making the right choice and self-exclude themselves are low. The success rate is usually not delightful. Most of them simply go back to their old ways; even if they go on a gambling-free cleansing binge for a few weeks or months.
You just have to make sure, you do not end up in the same dark hole as they have.
Sometimes, the best course of action – for your own survival and serendipity – is to walk away. For good.